The Terrible DJ

What's the song that gets you up off the barstool and onto the dance floor? "N!**as in Paris?" "Teach Me How to Dougie?" "Sexy and I Know it?" I'm sure over half the bar would agree with you. You know who won't? The Awful DJ that's spinning House mixed in with a little bit of "what the hell is this?"

It happens to the best of us. Throughout the night you've knocked a few back and it's not even controllable anymore, you wanna dance to some music. The dance floor's kinda empty, so obviously you don't wanna be the first one. The DJ is doing his absolute best to keep people away, as if he was paid to make sure people were dissatisfied. Some girls roll up to the booth and whisper something to him. He gives the patented DJ nod and they walk away with faces of excitement. 5 bullshit songs later they walk away and head for their coats. You can literally see the DTF light flicker and then go dark. You think you'll have better luck.

"N!**as in Paris" you whisper. He gives you the nod. Couple songs later it comes on and the dance floor barely comes to life. Until he follows it up with "Whoomp There it is" and "Hot in Herre." FAIL. Worse yet, after cycling through his 90's playlist he tosses on "N!**as in Paris" again in desperation. Nice try buddy. We heard that about an hr ago. What is this the radio?

The dance floor is completely empty at this point except for a trio of antsy girls and a bro circle shitfaced enough to dance to showtunes. The girls try their luck at the booth and a few seconds later there's a heated exchange b/t them and the DJ. On their way back I ask the girls what happened. "He said if we don't like his music we can just leave." Wow, what a D!&k. 30 minutes later "N!**as in Paris" comes back on. I turn to the bartender and we both start laughing. This guy is a joke.

I decide to salvage the night by ducking out around 1am and hitting up one of my late night spots. On my way out I stop by the booth and whisper "YOU SUCK!"

With one side of the headphone to his ear he gives the head nod...